Mum Guilt & Mental Load
Lifting the invisible weight mums carry every day
A note from Jane,
Hi lovely,
That mental list running through your head? The one that’s never done, always growing? That’s the invisible load of motherhood. And if it’s feeling heavy, it’s not because you’re failing — it’s because you care.
This week we’re softening the pressure, rewriting the stories we tell ourselves, and offering grace instead of guilt.
I am writing this weeks blog as much for myself as for you, every time my 2 year old presses my buttons and I get annoyed and shout I feel bad, when he watches the iPad for a bit longer than it feels like he should I feel bad my other kids didn’t have iPads as they are teenagers now it wasn’t a thing so I then beat myself up about that too.
What did I do with them while he watched iPad? I think actually CBeebies was on the telly a lot and I felt bad about that then too!
I felt bad when I gave up breastfeeding for my daughter at 10 months because she loved it so much was I being selfish giving it up? I felt bad when I gave up for my middle son at 5 months because I didn’t do it as long as my daughter, and my little one I had poor milk supply and ended up giving up at 6 weeks because I was miserable and he didn’t care where milk came from and so it goes on, the mum guilt.
But Mamas we are all out here doing our best and I promise you it’s good enough you are a good mum and as I tell you that I am telling myself also
Love Jane x
Pregnancy Corner: Let Go of Perfection
It’s tempting to make your birth plan perfect. But birth isn’t perfect — it’s powerful and not nothing you can plan Try narrowing your plan to three core intentions:
1. What matters most to you?
2. How do you want to feel?
3. Who do you need to feel supported?
✨ Give yourself permission to trust your instincts over your plan.
Quite honestly rather than plan which sounds like something you can write down and make happen I think we should create intentions and call them my birth intentions and a wish list :)
For me I really wanted a water birth I never got one for my first birth I wrote a really long detailed birth plan as encouraged by the NCT- I ended up being induced and gong from not where to 10cm in a ward with just my husband before they moved me to a birth suite and then very quickly I gave birth.
Second time no birth plan just asked on the phone when I was about to go in if I could have a water birth they said they would get it ready when I got there, gave birth really quickly in an observation room before the pool was full didn’t even make it to a birthing suite this time!
Third time planned c section well I say planned a booked in c section lots of health complications so no water birth!
So the obvious answer to what matters most is a healthy baby but move past that to a deeper what matters most to you?
How do you want to feel? For most of us it’s calm and safe so think about the things you need to feel like that?
Who do you need? Apart from you birth partner? Could be someone you listen to or things you have learnt from someone else to stay calm?
Mama & Me Moments: You Are Not Failing
If your home feels messy and your patience feels short, you’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing something *huge*.
Raising a tiny mini is a big deal!
I don’t know about you but somehow how good I am at being a mum is also linked to how tidy my house is, with the two things being totally at odds to one another.
If I am tidying the house with my toddler in it, chances are he’s messing up one bit while I do another- outcome I get annoyed and it’s pointless on both counts!
If I don’t tidy the house and I just play with him the mess literally makes me twitchy outcome feel like better mum but no one can drop round unexpected the house looking like we have been ransacked by pirates.
I am creating a plan that keeps the house relatively tidy so I can function and I can do all the things maybe fit some yoga in? And get all my work done…so you can drop round unexpected not Martha Stewart but we don’t need to call in Stacey either to help out let me know if that’s something you would be interested in?
If my little one is at Nursery I work or go and get my nails/hair done or all the other things and do a bit of house stuff too but then I feel like I should be doing more work the spinning plates of mother hood a mothers work literally never done why is that?
I am pretty sure dads don’t worry about how tidy the house is or if there attention is being spread out correctly I know that that’s massively gender stereotyping but I feel like they still exist for a reason.
So reminder you are doing a blooming great job you aren’t responsible for everything so what ever gets done or doesn’t get done if the kids went to bed fed and clean you smashed it yet again you absolute legend.
Affirmation of the week
✨ Write this on a sticky note and place it where you’ll see it:
“I’m doing my best, and that is always enough.”
Repeat it every time you feel the guilt creeping in.
🧘♀️ Mini Yoga Moment: Child’s Pose & Sigh
Drop into a soft child’s pose (knees wide, big toes touching, arms forward or by your sides). Breathe in deeply... and exhale with a big sigh. (or as many as needed)
✨ Stay here for 1–3 minutes, letting the weight of your day melt into the floor.
Perfect for: mental overload, emotional resets, or anytime guilt creeps in.
Pregnancy tip:
do this one on your bed using the duvet bundled up and the pillows to get yourself in the perfect comfy position (great for shutting out the world and if your thoughts are busy)
Mum & baby tip:
Do this while baby is on a play mat in front of you but be prepared for the tiny fist to grab handfuls of your hair! (how are they so strong?) or the slightly more relaxing version with them on a blanket next to you :)
'Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. I only share products I have used and loved or would buy if I needed one and have good reviews ideally are also on offer (I do love a bargain)
Coming Up Next Week
Week 6: Connection is Everything — Simple ways to bond with your bump and baby.